Random Thoughts

I'm taking a much needed rest day from working out. My legs are super duper sore and the fluid behind my knees is swollen and tender. So yeah, I needed a rest day.

I'm planning on doing my "Pull" strength training tomorrow but won't be doing any cardio - agian, resting my legs/knees. I'm hoping to do a 4 mile run on Saturday after my "Core" workout. Wish me luck.

So, since I don't have a workout to blab about, I thought I'd talk about some things that have been floating around in my brain lately. Are you ready? It might be kinda long (even for my standards)...


Random Thought #1
I'm very nervous about the half-marathon I signed up for. I'm not gonna lie. On the outside I may make it appear that its just another jaunt through the park but on the inside, I'm terrified.

I'm worried about my breathing. The anxiety of a "race" always gets to me and 2 minutes into it (if even that long) my chest/lungs get tight and I can't take a full breath.

I'm worried about my back. 'Nuff said.

I'm worried about the hills.

I'm worried about not being able to run the whole thing. I don't want to do the walk/run thing. I want to run it. If I have to stop and walk, I'll be disappointed.

I'm worried its going to take me FOREVER. My goal is to be under 2 hours 30 minutes but I'm not a fast runner. I'm afraid I'm going to be one of the last ones.

I never thought twice about being toward the back of the pack until a 5k I ran last June. Right after we got started, some woman, watching from her driveway, yelled to my friend and me "You know you guys are last, right?". I can't get that out of my mind and ever since then HATE the fact that I'm so slow. (I still wish I would have turned around and ran up to her and kicked her in the shins. Damn.) I know I should let it go, but I can't. Obviously.

I'm worried about cramping.

I'm worried about the inevitable pain.

I'm worried about my pre-race anxiety. I know, this is sort of a repeat but its one of my main concerns. I don't want to be huffing and puffing before I even complete the first mile.

I'm worried about my knees. I've never had "issues" with my knees. I've always had the fluid behind them but its never hurt me the way it is now. They have a pain decoder thing on runnersworld.com that I was looking at yesterday. It said that the pain I'm experiencing could possibly be because I have "Baker's cysts". Well that's not cool. Does that mean I shouldn't be running? Is it going to cause issues for me - particularly during the half?

I worried about getting injured during training and not being able to run the darn thing after all.

Okay. I think that's about it for that topic. I'll probably think of other things but it will do for now. On the flip side of all that, though. I saw this quote on another blog I ran across and though I would share it. I think it pretty much sums it all up for me.

"Its very hard to understand that the whole idea is not to beat the other runners. Eventually you learn that the real competition is against the voice inside you that wants to quit." - George Sheehan

Is it so bad to want to beat at least ONE other runner? And what if I have multiple voices? Should I be concerned?

Random Thought #2
I don't know about y'all but I'm still paying for all of the poor eating choices I made during the holiday season. My acid reflux has returned ten-fold. Its horrible. When am I going to learn that if I go back to eating like an oinker, my reflux is going to flare up again.

Everytime I eat, I start coughing like crazy because my esophogus is so irritated. I've been trying to stick to bland foods but you'd be surprised at what bothers my reflux. Drinking water makes it flare up.

For example, I should have known when I made my selection for breakfast this morning that I was going to pay. While at the store getting dog food last night, I bought one of those yogurt smoothie things with probiotics (partially because of the digestive issues I was experiencing yesterday) and some grapenuts to mix with it. I know that grapenuts bother my heartburn. I know this. And yet, I still buy them.

So I poured the smoothie over the cereal and topped it with a sliced banana. Doing good, right? Getting my fiber, dairy, probiotics and a fruit serving all in one little bowl. Yeah well, one bite and I'm hacking like crazy. I'm still hacking and my throat is all tight and swollen now. Awesome.

So, in retrospect, one of my 2010 goals is to not be an oinker next Christmas. If I am, I know I'm going to pay for it. I know its going to make me feel like crap. So why do I do it? Ugh.

And I know I'm not alone in this though because I've been seeing a trend of posts by various bloggers talking about getting back on track so their bodies will go back to normal and not feel like crap any more as a result of their poor eating over the holidays.

Why? Why do we do this to ourselves?

Random Thought #3
Along the same lines as RT #2, I think I want to make a conscious effort this year to truely become a "healthy eater" for good. Not just make those choices because Weight Watchers or Dr. Beck or whomever says its what's going to help me lose weight but honestly adopt a "healthy lifestyle" by:

-Limiting the amounts of processed foods I put in my body. Just because it only has 35 calories per serving does not make it "healthy". Case in point, these "bacon chips" I bought because they didn't have bacon bits (which aren't any better) at the store. They're neon red/orange and they're like the consistency of French's Fried Onions or Wonton Strips. Yeah, those are good for me. Ha! What was I thinking?

-Not using eating out as an excuse to "splurge". Order a small fillet, baked potato and veggies. Or how about a sensible, not-drenched-in-dressing-and-fatening-toppings salad?

-STOP GOING TO TACO BELL. Seriously. Stop. Subway is right around the corner.

-Addressing the mental aspects of my overeating to eliminate my mindless eating due to being bored or giving in to cravings.

Random Thought #4 (Last one, I promise)
As a result of the small "freelance" project I'm working on that I mentioned a few days ago, I've been given the opportunity to work on another freelance project that actually involves Interior Design. (The project I have now is preparing a powerpoint presentation that has a little more creative flair than what they currently use.)

On the upside, I love love love doing freelance work. My dad is an architect and because of this, I have been given the opportunity to work with a few of his clients to help them in selecting finishes for their buildings.

On the flip side, up until yesterday, I did not have any reservations about doing this in my spare time. I did not feel that it was a "breach of contract" or "conflict of interest" with the contract I currently have with my full-time employer. And even if I did, it didn't bother me. However, now that two people who know about the opportunity have questioned the issue of it being a conflict of interest, I'm worried. I would not want to lose my "bill-paying" job over a small project that I get to pick pretty finishes for.

Our Employee Handbook states in section C that:

"It shall be understood that every employee has a "Duty of Loyalty" to his or her employer. In general, employees are not permitted to induce current customers, suppliers or other employees to leave the firm for which they work nore are they allowed to operate a competing business while still employed by the firm. In addition, employees are not permitted to divulge "Trade Secrets" to anyone..."

My thought is this:

1. I'm not inducing a current customer. This client is not a current customer, nor would we get the project as a firm due to the nature of the project.

2. I'm not operating a competing business. While I'm doing identical work to what I would be performing here if we had the project, I do not have a "business" running. How is it any different than getting a part-time job at a home furnishings store and helping those clients select finishes? Also, how is any different than one of our draftsmen doing drafting for people from home in the evenings? Which he has done in the past...

3. If anything, getting my name out there is free advertising for my firm. The exposure could potentially lead to work for us. Let's say a prospective client is trying to decide between going with us or another firm. Let's also say that they've seen freelance work I've done in the past that they liked. As a result, they decide to use our firm because they know the quality of work they'll be getting and that they'll like the results.

Unfortunately, while these are all good arguments, the little voice in my head (the same one that tries to talk me out of running) is saying that if I'm concerned/worried about the situation and have a bad feeling, I should not take the project - which I don't want to do. I should be able to make a decent handful of cash on the project which would be fabulous to put toward our debt snowball. Hmpf.

What do I do? Should I run it by my boss to see if he's okay with it? I'm just worried he's going to say no and then I have to go back and tell the people that I can't do the work - which I don't want to do. Or do I take the risk of him finding out and plead ignorance if he confronts me? I didn't think it would be a problem, I was just helping them pick finishes.

Why is this project any different than the others?

~sigh~

Alright, well I suppose I should stop for now. Sorry it was so long. If you're still with me after all that, you deserve an award or something. I'll see what I can do. ;)

Until next time,

Lacey